A response
July 31st, 2008 by jmonkeycrewHere are my two cents:
Let’s consider that this is not a recent phenomenon but rather a trait that’s been modernized as ‘cheap’. Surely we hear of the wartime generations, specifically WWII America but generally any conflict-mired socio-economic situation, that out of necessity and survival ate every last bread crumb and counted each and every penny (of course gas cost about a nickel back then). This is the time when some would say ‘cheap-consciousness’ originated. But this ‘cheap’ can be examined through two dynamics: frugality and selfishness. On one hand, being frugal is generally an admired trait; it is the effort not to waste, to become self-reliant and not to become dependent on the kindness or compulsion of your neighbors (read: govn’t welfare) or in otherwords, to live within your means. Frugality is a measure of self-control and determination; along with opportunity, it is the respectable path to the American Dream (read: material well-being). These days there seem to be an association between ‘cheap behavior’ and frugality or rather it’s that frugality is looked as a symptom of selfishness. And at the bottom of it all, I think that’s what people get irked about—the other person acting TOO selfish. It’s the feeling that the other person is so consumed by their own well-being as not to have any concern for you. Sometimes it helps to know where this ’selfish’ person is coming from before passing judgment…
are they behind on their mortgage, are they saving up to buy a house, pay child’s tuition, take care of traffic tickets, behind on credit card loans? maybe being ‘cheap’ is their only way of justifying going out when they can’t really afford to? maybe they value spending time with their friends and can’t really afford to hang out with them? Of course they might actually be scrooges that are more well-to-do than you. in any case, ‘cheapness’ is relative to who you socialize with. A couple from the Hamptons may not have the same appreciation of life as a couple from the Bronx.
Or take two guys that are about the same in every facet (same jobs, same opportunities) but one leases a toyota and the other leases a jaguar. Depending on our own situation, we might say the guy with the toyota is frugal and level-headed and perhaps wants to save up a nestegg for retirement. Or maybe we might see the jaguar guy as someone who is more exciting and lives in the moment. In the end, we project onto friends our judgments of what is being too frugal, cheap, or selfish. Of course we have help from the media and the marketing firms that help us put a finger on what exactly is the threshold of ‘cheap’ but if we’re honest to ourselves then it’s a completely arbitrary matter.
I remember reading somewhere about someone who would only eat out if they could be sure to tip properly if not well. Otherwise they would eat in and cook for themselves until they could save enough to eat out again. I found this attitude towards tipping entirely refreshing… frugality without the selfishness.
